05.03 Sīhā Therī (77-81)

Read aloud in “Pamela Weiss Hosts Matty Weingast”


77. Afflicted by desire for sensual pleasures, because of unreasoned thinking, previously I was conceited, my mind being unsubmissive.

78. Obsessed by the defilements, giving way to the notion of happiness, I did not obtain peace of mind, being under the influence of thoughts of passion.

79. Thin, pale, and wan, I wandered for seven years; being very pained, I did not find happiness by day or night.

80. Then taking a rope, I went into a wood, thinking, “It is better to hang myself than to lead a low life again.”

81. I made a strong noose and tied it to the branch of a tree. I cast the noose around my neck. Then my mind was completely released.


People used to say

that I was so beautiful

it hurt to look at me—

like the sun.

The sun lights the whole world,

but it isn’t free.

It lives its life on a leash.

I lost weight and grew pale.

My sister said I looked like a dead person.

When I finally put on robes,

my family was almost relieved.

Maybe it would help.

For seven years I wandered.

I got really good at being sad.

Late one afternoon,

I took a rope and went to the woods.

The sun was setting.

I could feel the rough fibers

against my neck

as I put my head inside.

That’s when I saw—

it was just one more leash.

What goes on can come off.


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