Read aloud in “Pamela Weiss Hosts Matty Weingast”
Norman
77. Afflicted by desire for sensual pleasures, because of unreasoned thinking, previously I was conceited, my mind being unsubmissive.
78. Obsessed by the defilements, giving way to the notion of happiness, I did not obtain peace of mind, being under the influence of thoughts of passion.
79. Thin, pale, and wan, I wandered for seven years; being very pained, I did not find happiness by day or night.
80. Then taking a rope, I went into a wood, thinking, “It is better to hang myself than to lead a low life again.”
81. I made a strong noose and tied it to the branch of a tree. I cast the noose around my neck. Then my mind was completely released.
Weingast
People used to say
that I was so beautiful
it hurt to look at me—
like the sun.
The sun lights the whole world,
but it isn’t free.
It lives its life on a leash.
I lost weight and grew pale.
My sister said I looked like a dead person.
When I finally put on robes,
my family was almost relieved.
Maybe it would help.
For seven years I wandered.
I got really good at being sad.
Late one afternoon,
I took a rope and went to the woods.
The sun was setting.
I could feel the rough fibers
against my neck
as I put my head inside.
That’s when I saw—
it was just one more leash.
What goes on can come off.