Norman
87. I used to worship fire and the moon and the sun and divinities. I went to river-fording places and used to go down into the water.
88. Undertaking many vows, I shaved half my head; I made my bed on the ground; I did not eat night-food.
89. Delighting in ornament and decoration, by means of bathing and anointing indeed, I ministered to this body, afflicted by desire for sensual pleasure.
90. Then obtaining faith I went forth into the houseless state, seeing the body as it really was. I have rooted out desire for sensual pleasures.
91. I have cut out all existences, and wishes and longings too. Unfettered from all ties, I have attained peace of mind.
Weingast
I spent most of my teenage years
running from one bed
to another.
Any sign of warmth would do.
Each worked for a while,
until they got possessive
or mean
or boring—
or I did.
Then I got new friends,
shaved my head,
and started eating once a day.
During the long lonely nights that followed,
I would remember all the nice warm baths,
all the late nights and long mornings
waking up next to beautiful warm bodies.
One night,
shivering on the ground,
I started to cry.
It’s not fair.
No matter what I do,
the other thing
always looks better.
Listen, my heart.
I know how exhausting it all gets.
Don’t give up—
until you’re ready
to give up
for real.